To Cuff or Not to Cuff?

It's cuffin season. Everybody just feels the need to keep reminding me. It's about that time to turn up the heat and cuddle up under a warm blanket with a significant other. Why does cold weather make us want to settle down with another person? Is it because the body heat of another person feels good in comparison of the subzero temperatures of outside or is it something about being near another person that just puts a person in a good mood?

Who the hell knows? I sure don't. But come summer time, many people are ready to be free and have their fun. There's something about warm weather that just makes you want to be ratchet, I guess.

But what happens when that person you shared the covers with during those long snowy nights becomes more than just a cuddle buddy? Many of us don't enter into these relationships (and I use that term loosely) with any intentions of continuing said relationship after the groundhog sees his shadow. But sometimes life has other plans for us. Cuddle buddies don't only share a bed for the night. They share time, conversations, laughs, tears, jokes, stories and sometimes secrets, hopes, dreams and fears. These mixed with the physical aspects that are sure to be involved (whether it be kissing, sex or something in between) can lead to feelings from one or both parties that weren't expected or may not even be wanted.

I'm in my fourth year in college and I've never had a legitimately cuddle buddy. I've shared that extra long twin mattress a few times, but there were always feelings involved in one way or another. Now that December is here and I'm moved into my own off campus apartment, I've been thinking about having someone around for companionship and to keep the heating bill as low as possible. I'm not dating or talking to anyone right now and that's the way I like it. But taking all of this into consideration, I don't want to put myself or anyone else in a position where the summer rolls around and we aren't sure where we stand. Maybe I'll take the chance, maybe I'll add another blanket to my bed brave the Pennsylvania winter on my own. Who knows?

Happy cuddling :)

-Niss.
The Trophy on the Shelf (Even If No One Stops and Stares)

#nowplaying Wale featuring Miguel - Lotus Flower Bomb

Back On My Bullsh*t: Planning My Life, Cuffin' Season & Other Random Mumbo Jumbo

Heyyyy! I'm back! Did ya miss me? Of course you did.

I've neglected this blog a little bit thanks to twitter and tumblr, but I'm going to go back to voicing my opinions on here. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but it's a form of release for me and a way to document my college years so that I can look back on them later on.

So, what's been going on with me? Not much. Since my last blog post, I've moved out of my mother's house into my first apartment with my friend Jazz. I really like living on my own, but I don't like paying bills (LOL). I feel a lot more grown up now that I'm no longer living in a dorm room. I have unlimited access to a stove that I don't have to share with 200 other people, so I'm teaching myself how to cook by trial and error and I'm just enjoying learning how to take care of myself.

I turned 21 on September 26th. *throws confetti* It's great. I feels like a whole new aspect of my social life has opened up. I'm able to go out to the bar with friends (whether or not I decide to drink) and I now have access to Pittsburgh's South Side neighborhood after hours. The South Side is a hell of an experience. I've only been there twice so far, but I have stories from both nights that I'll probably remember for years.

I'm coming to the end of my seventh college semester, and I've FINALLY made a decision on what I'm going to do with this history degree. I'm going to continue on to get my Master's and Doctorate in some concentration of history (probably US History and also the history of Africans and those living in the Diaspora) and teach history at the post-secondary level. In ten years, I plan to be that professor with locs, a nose ring and randomly shows up to class in either a dashiki or a kufi. Can you picture it? I know I can.

It's late November. Apparently, this means it's "cuffin' season." I personally think it's really stupid to start a relationship with someone in the colder months and then decide you want to "do you" as soon as the groundhog sees its shadow. I don't plan on getting into a relationship with anyone unless there are truly feelings involved. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a cuddle buddy so I don't have to turn the heat on in my apartment (because like I said, I pay bills now). I don't have my eyes on anyone in particular, so it may not even happen. But who knows. *Kanye Shrug*

Anyway, I'll be back on this regularly. Hopefully #youcare.

Poem: Late Night Creep

No strings attached
Was What I told myself
When I made my way to your room that night
A hoodie and leggings and out the back door
Just trying to stay out of sight
Just a few hours later
I held my head high
And all those feelings dissolved
A smile on my face
Because when I made the walk back
There was no shame involved
My heart never meant for commitment
When the dark cut you off from my sight
But my head on your chest
Felt like a puzzle piece
Finding the one spot it fit into just right
Now a piece of the picture is missing
And Im wishing that you were just here
The silence echoes off the dorm room walls
Without your heart beating in my ear
My head says "no strings attached"
But my heart quickly dismissed that demand
Who ever thought I'd catch feelings
From a cuddle buddy one night stand?

-Niss: The Trophy On the Shelf (Even If No One Stops & Stares)

Style Update

So, this whole "changing my style" thing has taken a back burner to the weather. One day it's snowing, the next day it's 75 degrees and raining...my focus has been more on keeping warm and not getting sick than trying to be cute.

Saturday night, I went to a party thrown by the LGBTQIA group at my university(which I'm a part of). It was a "prom" that we throw every year for people who may not have been able to take their same sex partner to their high school prom because of school policies. Everybody was invited from gay couples to straight couples. I went with a group of friends.

This is the outfit I wore. It was way different than when I usually do, but I really liked it.

dress: Forever 21 ($7 on ebay), shoes: Steve Madden ($20 from Ross for Less) Blazer: H&M ($15), necklace and earrings: Forever 21

My Guest Post on Onyxx Rose

Natural Hair Hostility on College Campuses

There has been a growing number of women transitioning from relaxed to natural hair over the past year or so on my college campus. The university is located in southwestern Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. Seeing young women rocking their natural hair texture isn’t something normal around here, so obviously when a handful of us started doing it all at once, people took notice.

I’ve personally noticed some of the negative attitudes towards “going natural.”Almost all of it came from other black women. We’ve been told via Twitter that our afros are unacceptable, that they’re unattractive, and that it’s a white man’s world and we need to just conform. I’ve unfollowed these girls on Twitter, limited my real life contact with them, and haven’t heard any negativity from them in a few months.

Tuesday afternoon, I get an invite to a Facebook event from the campus organization run by a few of the girls. The event was entitled “Relaxed vs. Natural.” Even though I don’t usually attend any of this organization’s programs, I decided to attend this one. I went into this event with my guard up, because I knew there were ulterior motives. These girls were not interested in learning anything about having, maintaining or the thought process behind having natural hair. When I got there, the room was split. Natural on one side and relaxed on the other. There were about 8 of us on the natural side and 20-25 on the relaxed side plus three of the four girls running the program had relaxed hair. By the end of the program, the vast majority of us on the natural side were frustrated and annoyed. We got nothing accomplished as far as each side understanding the other. However, I did learn a few things:

1. People have differing opinions of what it means to have “natural” hair.
The common consensus between the women on the natural side was that natural hair is hair that has not been processed with a relaxer or texturizer. The women on the relaxed side had more strict requirements for what they considered natural. To them, natural means you wear your hair just as it grows out of your scalp at all times. If you color your hair, you’re not natural. If you flat iron or hot comb your hair, you’re not natural. If you wear a weave or a wig, you’re not natural. Those criteria alone were enough to remove every single one of us from being considered natural.

2. A lot of people want the title without the work.
Many times throughout the discussion, someone on the relaxed side of the room would say “Well, technically, I’m natural because I haven’t had a perm in 4 months,” or “Well, I’m natural in the middle because I only get the outside of my hair relaxed because I wear weaves.” I explained the difference between transitioning and chopping off your relaxed ends and becoming totally natural, but many people were convinced that they should be considered natural as well. Also, when the relaxed side was asked if they have ever tried to go natural or if they would, many said that when they went too long without getting a perm, they had problems combing their hair. When a girl on the natural side tried to explain that the reason they couldn’t manage their hair was because of the way they took care of it, they quickly moved along to another subject.

3. People are still afraid of the "n-word."
The word “nappy” was thrown around quite a few times. Each time, you could hear the tone of the girl’s voice change when the words left her lips. She almost spat the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. Nobody wanted to go natural because nobody wanted to have nappy hair. I pointed out the negative connotation of the word and asked if anyone on the relaxed side would go natural if they knew they wouldn’t have nappy hair. Once again, the question was brushed off and evaded. When people continued to make reference to the natural girls in the room with more wavy or curly hair rather than kinky hair, they said “good” or “nice” hair. I knew I had my answer, even though I didn’t get one straight up (no pun intended).

4. A lot of people see women with natural hair as “stuck-up” or “elitist.”
I admit that there are natural women who look down upon women who relax their hair and I think that it needs to stop. A relaxer doesn’t automatically mean a woman has self-hatred or that she’s not as good as someone who chooses not to relax her hair. It’s just that: a choice. The majority of us, myself included, did not choose to relax. The choice was made for us as children. So as an adult, when we are old enough to choose for ourselves, we either choose to continue relaxing or choose not to. It seemed to me like there was an automatic assumption that those of us who chose to go natural thought we were better than everyone else. I can’t speak for anyone, but I know with myself, that is not the case at all.

I believe that’s why many of the girls on the relaxed side felt defensive and turned offensive towards the natural side. I’m sure this is part of the reason nothing got accomplished in the entire discussion. I don’t feel any animosity towards the girls who sat on the relaxed side of the room. However, I do feel attacked and ambushed by the girls who planned the program. They’ve already made their views on us wearing our hair natural known informally, and I felt like this was their way of publically making fun of us just as they had done privately. One girl, who has been natural her entire life and has what the majority of the room considered “good hair,” compared announcing how long we’ve been natural to an addict telling how long they’ve been sober (and I felt like this was directly towards me because I tweet “____ months natural” faithfully on the 23rd of every month). I felt there was a lot of disrespect, misunderstanding and miscommunication involved, and it has changed the way I look at a few people because I now know how they look at me, simply for the way I wear my hair.

Have you ever been to a “natural vs. relaxed” debate or discussion? Did you feel anything positive was accomplished? Have you ever felt attacked or stereotyped because of the way you choose to wear your hair? Do you think I’m being too sensitive and shouldn’t be offended by some of the comments or remarks that were made?

Thanks again to Onyxx Rose for the opportunity to express what I was feeling. Please check out her blog at OnyxRoseOnline.blogspot.com