My Guest Post on Onyxx Rose

Natural Hair Hostility on College Campuses

There has been a growing number of women transitioning from relaxed to natural hair over the past year or so on my college campus. The university is located in southwestern Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. Seeing young women rocking their natural hair texture isn’t something normal around here, so obviously when a handful of us started doing it all at once, people took notice.

I’ve personally noticed some of the negative attitudes towards “going natural.”Almost all of it came from other black women. We’ve been told via Twitter that our afros are unacceptable, that they’re unattractive, and that it’s a white man’s world and we need to just conform. I’ve unfollowed these girls on Twitter, limited my real life contact with them, and haven’t heard any negativity from them in a few months.

Tuesday afternoon, I get an invite to a Facebook event from the campus organization run by a few of the girls. The event was entitled “Relaxed vs. Natural.” Even though I don’t usually attend any of this organization’s programs, I decided to attend this one. I went into this event with my guard up, because I knew there were ulterior motives. These girls were not interested in learning anything about having, maintaining or the thought process behind having natural hair. When I got there, the room was split. Natural on one side and relaxed on the other. There were about 8 of us on the natural side and 20-25 on the relaxed side plus three of the four girls running the program had relaxed hair. By the end of the program, the vast majority of us on the natural side were frustrated and annoyed. We got nothing accomplished as far as each side understanding the other. However, I did learn a few things:

1. People have differing opinions of what it means to have “natural” hair.
The common consensus between the women on the natural side was that natural hair is hair that has not been processed with a relaxer or texturizer. The women on the relaxed side had more strict requirements for what they considered natural. To them, natural means you wear your hair just as it grows out of your scalp at all times. If you color your hair, you’re not natural. If you flat iron or hot comb your hair, you’re not natural. If you wear a weave or a wig, you’re not natural. Those criteria alone were enough to remove every single one of us from being considered natural.

2. A lot of people want the title without the work.
Many times throughout the discussion, someone on the relaxed side of the room would say “Well, technically, I’m natural because I haven’t had a perm in 4 months,” or “Well, I’m natural in the middle because I only get the outside of my hair relaxed because I wear weaves.” I explained the difference between transitioning and chopping off your relaxed ends and becoming totally natural, but many people were convinced that they should be considered natural as well. Also, when the relaxed side was asked if they have ever tried to go natural or if they would, many said that when they went too long without getting a perm, they had problems combing their hair. When a girl on the natural side tried to explain that the reason they couldn’t manage their hair was because of the way they took care of it, they quickly moved along to another subject.

3. People are still afraid of the "n-word."
The word “nappy” was thrown around quite a few times. Each time, you could hear the tone of the girl’s voice change when the words left her lips. She almost spat the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. Nobody wanted to go natural because nobody wanted to have nappy hair. I pointed out the negative connotation of the word and asked if anyone on the relaxed side would go natural if they knew they wouldn’t have nappy hair. Once again, the question was brushed off and evaded. When people continued to make reference to the natural girls in the room with more wavy or curly hair rather than kinky hair, they said “good” or “nice” hair. I knew I had my answer, even though I didn’t get one straight up (no pun intended).

4. A lot of people see women with natural hair as “stuck-up” or “elitist.”
I admit that there are natural women who look down upon women who relax their hair and I think that it needs to stop. A relaxer doesn’t automatically mean a woman has self-hatred or that she’s not as good as someone who chooses not to relax her hair. It’s just that: a choice. The majority of us, myself included, did not choose to relax. The choice was made for us as children. So as an adult, when we are old enough to choose for ourselves, we either choose to continue relaxing or choose not to. It seemed to me like there was an automatic assumption that those of us who chose to go natural thought we were better than everyone else. I can’t speak for anyone, but I know with myself, that is not the case at all.

I believe that’s why many of the girls on the relaxed side felt defensive and turned offensive towards the natural side. I’m sure this is part of the reason nothing got accomplished in the entire discussion. I don’t feel any animosity towards the girls who sat on the relaxed side of the room. However, I do feel attacked and ambushed by the girls who planned the program. They’ve already made their views on us wearing our hair natural known informally, and I felt like this was their way of publically making fun of us just as they had done privately. One girl, who has been natural her entire life and has what the majority of the room considered “good hair,” compared announcing how long we’ve been natural to an addict telling how long they’ve been sober (and I felt like this was directly towards me because I tweet “____ months natural” faithfully on the 23rd of every month). I felt there was a lot of disrespect, misunderstanding and miscommunication involved, and it has changed the way I look at a few people because I now know how they look at me, simply for the way I wear my hair.

Have you ever been to a “natural vs. relaxed” debate or discussion? Did you feel anything positive was accomplished? Have you ever felt attacked or stereotyped because of the way you choose to wear your hair? Do you think I’m being too sensitive and shouldn’t be offended by some of the comments or remarks that were made?

Thanks again to Onyxx Rose for the opportunity to express what I was feeling. Please check out her blog at OnyxRoseOnline.blogspot.com

Religion Rant

Yesterday, I was bored in class, so I decided to log onto twitter on my phone. I happened to get online in the middle of some big, fat, atheism rant that a couple of my followers were engaging in.

I believe in people having the right to practice whatever religion they choose or not to practice one at all. I grew up in the COGIC (Church of God in Christ) church and though I'm not saved, I'm definitely a believer. However, my logic when dealing with people of other faiths is "Don't try to convert me & I won't try to convert you." Period.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for having a conversation about religion, but there's a difference between talking about it civilly and being downright disrespectful. The majority of the time, these conversations get to the point of disrespect. It's one thing to reject certain viewpoints and ideas and it's another thing to insult someone for what they believe in.

I'll never understand why people who claim to be atheists spend so much time and energy researching and trying to convince other people to change their views. I've had classes where there were students who literally tried to convince the entire class why God isn't real. And the majority of the time, it had nothing to do with the overall point of the class period.

Another thing I don't get: If you don't believe in God, why do you spend so much time talking about and researching reasons behind why God is not real? If you've already established that with yourself, why spend the majority of your time talking about something you don't believe in? You will never see me on google finding information on unicorns, vampires and black privilege. Why? Because they don't exist. It would be a waste of my time, so I leave it alone.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't have conversations on religion, because I feel like understanding and respecting each other's faiths are an important part of accepting them and each other. My point is, respect is very important in having a conversation like this. The sooner a lot of us realize that, the better.

#Nowplaying Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

#FAIL

So, I haven't posted in like a week. That's because I'm currently failing epically at this "changing my style" thing. I've been wearing nothing but skinny jeans and hoodies. Partially because the weather has been acting like that phony friend you keep around for no good reason. It was 70 degrees last Monday and by Wednesday, it was snowing again. My concern has been more with staying warm and dry than trying to be cute.

However, I have made a little progress that last couple times I've gone shopping. Instead of buying sneakers, I bought heels! I've bought three pairs of pumps in the last three weeks. Where or what I'm gonna wear them with is another post for another day.

The first two pairs are Madden Girl and the last pair is Steve Madden (whatever the damn difference is). I got them all at TJ Maxx/Ross for Less for $20 each. Good deal if you ask me :)

#nowplaying Algebra Blessett - At This Time

Time for a Change

So, I said I wanted to change my style, but if you dont know me in real life, you dont know what that is.

I'd describe my style in one word as: safe.

I don't take chances. I don't go out on a limb and try something that I think would work for me. I change clothes 2 or 3 times in the morning all to end up looking like this (I know the mirror is dirty. Don't judge lol):

(Shirt: PacSun, Cardigan: Target, Jeans: Rue21, Shoes: Converse, Earrings: Forever21)



Regular.

My issue is, I care too much about what other people think. I don't want anyone to whisper "She's doing the most." "What is she wearing heels for? It's just class." "She thinks she cute." I get to the point where I'll have what I believe is a really cute outfit in my head before I go to bed. I'll wake up, iron it, get dressed, look in the mirror and realize "this isn't what I usually do," get extremely uncomfortable and change clothes.

No more. I've made the decision to stop allowing what people may or may not have to say behind my back affect me both in important matters and something as trivial as what I'm wearing.

Guess who's baaaack!!!

Hey everyone! Long time, no see…umm. I mean, blog. Whatever.

So, I’ve pretty much abandoned this blog for tumblr. But I’m back! Things are going to be a little different. It will be less me ranting on random topics, more me trying to figure out my life after college, talking about things going on in the world and on the internet, and trying to revamp my style.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. And subscribe :)

#nowplaying P!nk - F*ckin' Perfect

The Real World SUCKS!

Hey! I know I haven’t written a blog post in a while, but I’ve been busy with moving, working, finishing my summer class and a bunch of other crap that has had me too lazy to kept me from writing. But I’m back, to talk about MTV’s The Real World and why it has officially jumped the shark...at least as far as casting black people is concerned.



Anyone who knows me, or has been following me on twitter for a while, knows that I would really love to be a on a season of The Real World. My best friend (@Mz_FEARLESS_90 on Twitter) did a “Top 10 Reasons @HighQuality08 Will Never Be on the Real World” during the D.C. season and it was quite hilarious. I wish I had favorited the tweets, but sadly, I didn’t. (I personally think the number 1 reason I wont be cast is because there has already been an Aneesa on the show. And even though my name is spelled differently, it's pronounced the same.) A few of the reasons she mentioned have to do with the amount of black people and the type of black people that MTV has been casting for the past few seasons.

Here are some of them:

The Black Guy Who Only Dates [insert non-black ethnicity here] Women:
This guy is very much in touch with his African American roots. He may wear dreads or a humungous afro, afro pick sold separately wear Marcus Garvey t-shirts and make sure that the camera gets a clear shot of the copy of “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” on his dresser. When it’s time for him to bone hook-up with someone in the house (because face it, there are always hook ups) he decides that Hannah, the blonde with the DD’s from Arkansas is the most beautiful girl in the house and is who he would like to do the horizontal dougie spend his nights cuddled up next to. Then, later on in the season, he falls in love with her but she just wants to have fun and she doesn’t plan on having a relationship, taking him home to meet daddy, or ever seeing him again (that is, until the next season of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge.)

Examples:

Ty (D.C.)

The Slutty Black Chick:
This is probably the one and only black woman on her season (or for the past two or three seasons). She either has a boyfriend back home and is feeling like she’s missing something or she just recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2938920 years and now wants to make up for lost time. She gets drunk and dances on tables, makes out with random guys and eventually finds someone to do the horizontal stanky leg in the hot tub with. She’s probably really pretty but has a bad weave and doesn’t recognize herself worth until after she’s made a fool of herself.

Examples:





Jonna & Jasmine (both from the Cancun season) *note: Jonna is not 100% black, but I considered her to be the whole time I watched the season.


The Uppity Black Guy:
This guy thinks he knows it all but in all reality, isn’t really too smart. He’s a graduate of either an Ivy League University or a big name HBCU where he was the president of the debate team, the school newspaper, or his fraternity. He’s a political conservative and insists on debating with everyone in the house about his right wing political views to the point that he offends someone and starts an argument. He’s very preachy about his religious views, but doesn’t practice them himself. He eventually has a moment of enlightenment and becomes best friends with whoever the token LGBTQI person is for that season.



Example: Stephen (Denver)

The Angry Black Woman:
This woman is what white people stereotypically think about when they think of black women: loud. She doesn’t back down when it comes to voicing her opinions and gets very passionate which causes the other cast mates especially Becky from Arkansas who has only seen black people on television to label her “ghetto.” She never gets to do the horizontal tootsie roll during the season because she was cast with white men who aren’t attracted to her and the black guy who doesn’t like black women.

Example:





Coral (Back to New York) Aneesa (Chicago)

The Black Guy/Girl with the Troubled Past:
This person is the other stereotype that comes to Becky’s mind when she thinks of black people. This guy was in a gang, grew up in foster care and never had a father in his life to show him how to be a man. This girl turned to drugs to deal with the fact that she was a stripper/prostitute trying to make ends meet to feed her illegitimate daughter by the ex-boyfriend who left them for a white chick. They both make it into the real world house only to be nearly kicked out for wringing Becky’s neck when she tells him/her to go back to the ghetto.




Examples: Tyrie (Denver) Brianna (Hollywood)

The Womanizer:
This guy is gorgeous. All the ladies in the house mention his name in the confessional of guys they’d like to do the horizontal superman that ho with. He has more than a few notches in his headboard but has never had a real girlfriend because he doesn’t want to settle down. He’s a sweet talker who charms his way into the panties hearts of all the female housemates and random girls he meets at the bar. He repeatedly plays them all, but they all keep coming back.

Example:




Will (Hollywood), Alton (Las Vegas)

What do you think? Did I miss any stereotypes that MTV casts on The Real World?

#nowplaying Drake - Fireworks

Life Lessons: Etiquette 101

Hello, folks! I’m back off hiatus. I’ve been neglecting my blog a little bit, but I’ve been busy, tired and lactose intolerant but stubbornly eating ice cream sick.

Today, I’m going to rant talk to you guys about general etiquette since some folks don’t have the good sense God gave them or parents that aren’t total morons taught them how to behave as children.

So, without any further adieu, here’s Lori Beth Denberge HighQuality08 with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life (You liked that flashback to the 90’s! Don’t lie to yourself.)

Bus Etiquette
Anyone who follows me on twitter knows me is aware that I have yet to get a driver’s license, therefore, I ride the bus everywhere. I actually like riding the bus. It gives me a lot of time to tweet think, read, and just hang out in my own little corner in my own little chair world. However, my bus rides aren’t always very pleasant. Some losers people don’t know how to act in public and have no consideration for anyone other than themselves.

1. Using your cell phone on the bus—sometimes there are phone calls that you can’t avoid, or that you absolutely need to answer. Even if you decide to take a social call on the bus, it’s not necessarily a distraction the moment you hit send. However, when you decide to scream on your phone at 7am on a Monday morning you’re asking for a bullet and a beatdown just being inconsiderate. Nobody wants to hear you using your outside voice to tell your girlfriend how much of a dead beat your baby daddy is or how you have to go to court on Wednesday because you waited for the lady at McDonald’s to get off work and fought her because she gave you 9 chicken McNuggets instead of 10. Nobody wants to hear that. The people on the bus are trying to nap or mentally prepare themselves for school or work and your rudeness is a distraction.

2. Get Yo’ Rugrats!—parents, keep Bebe’s Kids your children in check! Have a pep talk with them, make sure they know you have a belt and you’ll use it, beat them BEFORE you get on the bus, do what you have to do. You better make sure your little tax deduction precious gift from above isn’t screaming in my ear, kicking the back of my seat, or spilling juice all over the back of my shirt. I haven’t had a relaxer since August, therefore, if your 2-year-old feels like it’s funny to drop cheerios in my hair, I’m not going to be able to get it out and you’re gonna be paying for a professional to do so for me. Remember my famous last words: I fight kids.

Sidewalk Etiquette
Have you ever been walking on a sidewalk, in the mall, down a hallway, wherever, in one direction and someone else was walking in the opposite direction towards you? Of course you have. Eventually, your paths will meet. There’s always that one person who will just stand there and wait for you to poof yourself move out of their way. Like they’re too important to step to the side and let you pass. When approaching this situation, my motto is MOVE THE DEVIL OUT MY WAY! you have to give a little to get a little. If you move in one direction, I’ll move in the other, and we’ll both get to where we need to go. If not, I’ll stand directly in your way. I’m not about to move completely off of the sidewalk so that you can walk past. This ain’t the 1950’s.

“Excuse Me” Etiquette
Saying “excuse me” was probably one of the first rules of being polite that I was ever taught. It’s amazing to me how many people are rude haven’t been taught this general rule that’s more like reflex action to me at age 19. There have been so many times where I’ve said “excuse me” to someone who was standing in my way and they just looked at me or acted like they didn’t hear me at all. I have a volume control problem. I’m loud, without even trying. I know you heard me. But if I were to channel my inner Troy Polamalu and fly across the room and tackle you, I’d be wrong. And when I’m on the other side of the situation (I’m in your way and I don’t see you), just standing there is not an effective way to get me to move. Say “excuse me”, and I’ll kindly move out of your way, but if you just stand there with your mouth hanging open like an idiot silently waiting for my built in radar to alert me of your presence, you’ll be there for a long time.

Smoking Etiquette
This one annoys me more than the previous three. I rant about this on twitter all the time. If you’re a smoker, that’s your decision, but do me a favor and try not to kill me with your secondhand smoke! I’m in college and I’ve been living in the dorms for two years now. The buildings on my campus are non-smoking. There’s a rule where you are supposed to be 10 feet away from the door when you light up a cigarette. Please explain to me why every time I enter/leave any building on campus, my lungs have to be accosted? I have to fight my way through a cloud of smoke just to get to English class! Also, if I’m standing or sitting outside, don’t come and stand/sit next to me and light a cigarette. That’s rude. First of all, I don’t want to breathe in all that smoke. Secondly, I don’t want my clothes, weave hair, and other belongings smelling like Newports. That’s not what’s hot in the streets. That’s not sexy. If it was, they would bottle up the smell of Marlboros and sell it in a bottle.

Here are some signs that it’s okay to smoke around me:
1. I’m in a designated smoking area—if this is so, I asked for it. I might has well had been wearing a t-shirt that says “please, blow smoke in my face. Please and thanks.”

2. I’m smoking a cigarette myself—if so we can be smoking buddies! We can swap stories about how much money we’ve wasted on our habits and compare who’s breath smells the worst and who’s teeth are the most yellow!

If you want to give yourself emphysema, that’s all fine and dandy, but kindly leave me out of it.

Elevator Etiquette
If someone is inside the elevator and you’re waiting to get on, don’t bumrush the elevator before they get off. It doesn’t make sense. And it’s annoying. #thatisall

End Rant. Do you have any more etiquette tips to add? Do you know anyone who really needs these tips? Have you done any of them?

#nowplaying Amel Larrieux – For Real

PS: I was going to do “grocery store etiquette” since I work at one, but I’ve decided to make it a separate post going off the #angrycashiertweet hashtag I went in on on Twitter a week or so ago. (#shoutout to @qmoney225 who came up with it)