Life Lessons: Etiquette 101

Hello, folks! I’m back off hiatus. I’ve been neglecting my blog a little bit, but I’ve been busy, tired and lactose intolerant but stubbornly eating ice cream sick.

Today, I’m going to rant talk to you guys about general etiquette since some folks don’t have the good sense God gave them or parents that aren’t total morons taught them how to behave as children.

So, without any further adieu, here’s Lori Beth Denberge HighQuality08 with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life (You liked that flashback to the 90’s! Don’t lie to yourself.)

Bus Etiquette
Anyone who follows me on twitter knows me is aware that I have yet to get a driver’s license, therefore, I ride the bus everywhere. I actually like riding the bus. It gives me a lot of time to tweet think, read, and just hang out in my own little corner in my own little chair world. However, my bus rides aren’t always very pleasant. Some losers people don’t know how to act in public and have no consideration for anyone other than themselves.

1. Using your cell phone on the bus—sometimes there are phone calls that you can’t avoid, or that you absolutely need to answer. Even if you decide to take a social call on the bus, it’s not necessarily a distraction the moment you hit send. However, when you decide to scream on your phone at 7am on a Monday morning you’re asking for a bullet and a beatdown just being inconsiderate. Nobody wants to hear you using your outside voice to tell your girlfriend how much of a dead beat your baby daddy is or how you have to go to court on Wednesday because you waited for the lady at McDonald’s to get off work and fought her because she gave you 9 chicken McNuggets instead of 10. Nobody wants to hear that. The people on the bus are trying to nap or mentally prepare themselves for school or work and your rudeness is a distraction.

2. Get Yo’ Rugrats!—parents, keep Bebe’s Kids your children in check! Have a pep talk with them, make sure they know you have a belt and you’ll use it, beat them BEFORE you get on the bus, do what you have to do. You better make sure your little tax deduction precious gift from above isn’t screaming in my ear, kicking the back of my seat, or spilling juice all over the back of my shirt. I haven’t had a relaxer since August, therefore, if your 2-year-old feels like it’s funny to drop cheerios in my hair, I’m not going to be able to get it out and you’re gonna be paying for a professional to do so for me. Remember my famous last words: I fight kids.

Sidewalk Etiquette
Have you ever been walking on a sidewalk, in the mall, down a hallway, wherever, in one direction and someone else was walking in the opposite direction towards you? Of course you have. Eventually, your paths will meet. There’s always that one person who will just stand there and wait for you to poof yourself move out of their way. Like they’re too important to step to the side and let you pass. When approaching this situation, my motto is MOVE THE DEVIL OUT MY WAY! you have to give a little to get a little. If you move in one direction, I’ll move in the other, and we’ll both get to where we need to go. If not, I’ll stand directly in your way. I’m not about to move completely off of the sidewalk so that you can walk past. This ain’t the 1950’s.

“Excuse Me” Etiquette
Saying “excuse me” was probably one of the first rules of being polite that I was ever taught. It’s amazing to me how many people are rude haven’t been taught this general rule that’s more like reflex action to me at age 19. There have been so many times where I’ve said “excuse me” to someone who was standing in my way and they just looked at me or acted like they didn’t hear me at all. I have a volume control problem. I’m loud, without even trying. I know you heard me. But if I were to channel my inner Troy Polamalu and fly across the room and tackle you, I’d be wrong. And when I’m on the other side of the situation (I’m in your way and I don’t see you), just standing there is not an effective way to get me to move. Say “excuse me”, and I’ll kindly move out of your way, but if you just stand there with your mouth hanging open like an idiot silently waiting for my built in radar to alert me of your presence, you’ll be there for a long time.

Smoking Etiquette
This one annoys me more than the previous three. I rant about this on twitter all the time. If you’re a smoker, that’s your decision, but do me a favor and try not to kill me with your secondhand smoke! I’m in college and I’ve been living in the dorms for two years now. The buildings on my campus are non-smoking. There’s a rule where you are supposed to be 10 feet away from the door when you light up a cigarette. Please explain to me why every time I enter/leave any building on campus, my lungs have to be accosted? I have to fight my way through a cloud of smoke just to get to English class! Also, if I’m standing or sitting outside, don’t come and stand/sit next to me and light a cigarette. That’s rude. First of all, I don’t want to breathe in all that smoke. Secondly, I don’t want my clothes, weave hair, and other belongings smelling like Newports. That’s not what’s hot in the streets. That’s not sexy. If it was, they would bottle up the smell of Marlboros and sell it in a bottle.

Here are some signs that it’s okay to smoke around me:
1. I’m in a designated smoking area—if this is so, I asked for it. I might has well had been wearing a t-shirt that says “please, blow smoke in my face. Please and thanks.”

2. I’m smoking a cigarette myself—if so we can be smoking buddies! We can swap stories about how much money we’ve wasted on our habits and compare who’s breath smells the worst and who’s teeth are the most yellow!

If you want to give yourself emphysema, that’s all fine and dandy, but kindly leave me out of it.

Elevator Etiquette
If someone is inside the elevator and you’re waiting to get on, don’t bumrush the elevator before they get off. It doesn’t make sense. And it’s annoying. #thatisall

End Rant. Do you have any more etiquette tips to add? Do you know anyone who really needs these tips? Have you done any of them?

#nowplaying Amel Larrieux – For Real

PS: I was going to do “grocery store etiquette” since I work at one, but I’ve decided to make it a separate post going off the #angrycashiertweet hashtag I went in on on Twitter a week or so ago. (#shoutout to @qmoney225 who came up with it)