No strings attached
Was What I told myself
When I made my way to your room that night
A hoodie and leggings and out the back door
Just trying to stay out of sight
Just a few hours later
I held my head high
And all those feelings dissolved
A smile on my face
Because when I made the walk back
There was no shame involved
My heart never meant for commitment
When the dark cut you off from my sight
But my head on your chest
Felt like a puzzle piece
Finding the one spot it fit into just right
Now a piece of the picture is missing
And Im wishing that you were just here
The silence echoes off the dorm room walls
Without your heart beating in my ear
My head says "no strings attached"
But my heart quickly dismissed that demand
Who ever thought I'd catch feelings
From a cuddle buddy one night stand?
-Niss: The Trophy On the Shelf (Even If No One Stops & Stares)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Style Update
So, this whole "changing my style" thing has taken a back burner to the weather. One day it's snowing, the next day it's 75 degrees and raining...my focus has been more on keeping warm and not getting sick than trying to be cute.
Saturday night, I went to a party thrown by the LGBTQIA group at my university(which I'm a part of). It was a "prom" that we throw every year for people who may not have been able to take their same sex partner to their high school prom because of school policies. Everybody was invited from gay couples to straight couples. I went with a group of friends.
This is the outfit I wore. It was way different than when I usually do, but I really liked it.
dress: Forever 21 ($7 on ebay), shoes: Steve Madden ($20 from Ross for Less) Blazer: H&M ($15), necklace and earrings: Forever 21
Saturday night, I went to a party thrown by the LGBTQIA group at my university(which I'm a part of). It was a "prom" that we throw every year for people who may not have been able to take their same sex partner to their high school prom because of school policies. Everybody was invited from gay couples to straight couples. I went with a group of friends.
This is the outfit I wore. It was way different than when I usually do, but I really liked it.
dress: Forever 21 ($7 on ebay), shoes: Steve Madden ($20 from Ross for Less) Blazer: H&M ($15), necklace and earrings: Forever 21
My Guest Post on Onyxx Rose
Natural Hair Hostility on College Campuses
There has been a growing number of women transitioning from relaxed to natural hair over the past year or so on my college campus. The university is located in southwestern Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. Seeing young women rocking their natural hair texture isn’t something normal around here, so obviously when a handful of us started doing it all at once, people took notice.
I’ve personally noticed some of the negative attitudes towards “going natural.”Almost all of it came from other black women. We’ve been told via Twitter that our afros are unacceptable, that they’re unattractive, and that it’s a white man’s world and we need to just conform. I’ve unfollowed these girls on Twitter, limited my real life contact with them, and haven’t heard any negativity from them in a few months.
Tuesday afternoon, I get an invite to a Facebook event from the campus organization run by a few of the girls. The event was entitled “Relaxed vs. Natural.” Even though I don’t usually attend any of this organization’s programs, I decided to attend this one. I went into this event with my guard up, because I knew there were ulterior motives. These girls were not interested in learning anything about having, maintaining or the thought process behind having natural hair. When I got there, the room was split. Natural on one side and relaxed on the other. There were about 8 of us on the natural side and 20-25 on the relaxed side plus three of the four girls running the program had relaxed hair. By the end of the program, the vast majority of us on the natural side were frustrated and annoyed. We got nothing accomplished as far as each side understanding the other. However, I did learn a few things:
1. People have differing opinions of what it means to have “natural” hair.
The common consensus between the women on the natural side was that natural hair is hair that has not been processed with a relaxer or texturizer. The women on the relaxed side had more strict requirements for what they considered natural. To them, natural means you wear your hair just as it grows out of your scalp at all times. If you color your hair, you’re not natural. If you flat iron or hot comb your hair, you’re not natural. If you wear a weave or a wig, you’re not natural. Those criteria alone were enough to remove every single one of us from being considered natural.
2. A lot of people want the title without the work.
Many times throughout the discussion, someone on the relaxed side of the room would say “Well, technically, I’m natural because I haven’t had a perm in 4 months,” or “Well, I’m natural in the middle because I only get the outside of my hair relaxed because I wear weaves.” I explained the difference between transitioning and chopping off your relaxed ends and becoming totally natural, but many people were convinced that they should be considered natural as well. Also, when the relaxed side was asked if they have ever tried to go natural or if they would, many said that when they went too long without getting a perm, they had problems combing their hair. When a girl on the natural side tried to explain that the reason they couldn’t manage their hair was because of the way they took care of it, they quickly moved along to another subject.
3. People are still afraid of the "n-word."
The word “nappy” was thrown around quite a few times. Each time, you could hear the tone of the girl’s voice change when the words left her lips. She almost spat the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. Nobody wanted to go natural because nobody wanted to have nappy hair. I pointed out the negative connotation of the word and asked if anyone on the relaxed side would go natural if they knew they wouldn’t have nappy hair. Once again, the question was brushed off and evaded. When people continued to make reference to the natural girls in the room with more wavy or curly hair rather than kinky hair, they said “good” or “nice” hair. I knew I had my answer, even though I didn’t get one straight up (no pun intended).
4. A lot of people see women with natural hair as “stuck-up” or “elitist.”
I admit that there are natural women who look down upon women who relax their hair and I think that it needs to stop. A relaxer doesn’t automatically mean a woman has self-hatred or that she’s not as good as someone who chooses not to relax her hair. It’s just that: a choice. The majority of us, myself included, did not choose to relax. The choice was made for us as children. So as an adult, when we are old enough to choose for ourselves, we either choose to continue relaxing or choose not to. It seemed to me like there was an automatic assumption that those of us who chose to go natural thought we were better than everyone else. I can’t speak for anyone, but I know with myself, that is not the case at all.
I believe that’s why many of the girls on the relaxed side felt defensive and turned offensive towards the natural side. I’m sure this is part of the reason nothing got accomplished in the entire discussion. I don’t feel any animosity towards the girls who sat on the relaxed side of the room. However, I do feel attacked and ambushed by the girls who planned the program. They’ve already made their views on us wearing our hair natural known informally, and I felt like this was their way of publically making fun of us just as they had done privately. One girl, who has been natural her entire life and has what the majority of the room considered “good hair,” compared announcing how long we’ve been natural to an addict telling how long they’ve been sober (and I felt like this was directly towards me because I tweet “____ months natural” faithfully on the 23rd of every month). I felt there was a lot of disrespect, misunderstanding and miscommunication involved, and it has changed the way I look at a few people because I now know how they look at me, simply for the way I wear my hair.
Have you ever been to a “natural vs. relaxed” debate or discussion? Did you feel anything positive was accomplished? Have you ever felt attacked or stereotyped because of the way you choose to wear your hair? Do you think I’m being too sensitive and shouldn’t be offended by some of the comments or remarks that were made?
Thanks again to Onyxx Rose for the opportunity to express what I was feeling. Please check out her blog at OnyxRoseOnline.blogspot.com
There has been a growing number of women transitioning from relaxed to natural hair over the past year or so on my college campus. The university is located in southwestern Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. Seeing young women rocking their natural hair texture isn’t something normal around here, so obviously when a handful of us started doing it all at once, people took notice.
I’ve personally noticed some of the negative attitudes towards “going natural.”Almost all of it came from other black women. We’ve been told via Twitter that our afros are unacceptable, that they’re unattractive, and that it’s a white man’s world and we need to just conform. I’ve unfollowed these girls on Twitter, limited my real life contact with them, and haven’t heard any negativity from them in a few months.
Tuesday afternoon, I get an invite to a Facebook event from the campus organization run by a few of the girls. The event was entitled “Relaxed vs. Natural.” Even though I don’t usually attend any of this organization’s programs, I decided to attend this one. I went into this event with my guard up, because I knew there were ulterior motives. These girls were not interested in learning anything about having, maintaining or the thought process behind having natural hair. When I got there, the room was split. Natural on one side and relaxed on the other. There were about 8 of us on the natural side and 20-25 on the relaxed side plus three of the four girls running the program had relaxed hair. By the end of the program, the vast majority of us on the natural side were frustrated and annoyed. We got nothing accomplished as far as each side understanding the other. However, I did learn a few things:
1. People have differing opinions of what it means to have “natural” hair.
The common consensus between the women on the natural side was that natural hair is hair that has not been processed with a relaxer or texturizer. The women on the relaxed side had more strict requirements for what they considered natural. To them, natural means you wear your hair just as it grows out of your scalp at all times. If you color your hair, you’re not natural. If you flat iron or hot comb your hair, you’re not natural. If you wear a weave or a wig, you’re not natural. Those criteria alone were enough to remove every single one of us from being considered natural.
2. A lot of people want the title without the work.
Many times throughout the discussion, someone on the relaxed side of the room would say “Well, technically, I’m natural because I haven’t had a perm in 4 months,” or “Well, I’m natural in the middle because I only get the outside of my hair relaxed because I wear weaves.” I explained the difference between transitioning and chopping off your relaxed ends and becoming totally natural, but many people were convinced that they should be considered natural as well. Also, when the relaxed side was asked if they have ever tried to go natural or if they would, many said that when they went too long without getting a perm, they had problems combing their hair. When a girl on the natural side tried to explain that the reason they couldn’t manage their hair was because of the way they took care of it, they quickly moved along to another subject.
3. People are still afraid of the "n-word."
The word “nappy” was thrown around quite a few times. Each time, you could hear the tone of the girl’s voice change when the words left her lips. She almost spat the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. Nobody wanted to go natural because nobody wanted to have nappy hair. I pointed out the negative connotation of the word and asked if anyone on the relaxed side would go natural if they knew they wouldn’t have nappy hair. Once again, the question was brushed off and evaded. When people continued to make reference to the natural girls in the room with more wavy or curly hair rather than kinky hair, they said “good” or “nice” hair. I knew I had my answer, even though I didn’t get one straight up (no pun intended).
4. A lot of people see women with natural hair as “stuck-up” or “elitist.”
I admit that there are natural women who look down upon women who relax their hair and I think that it needs to stop. A relaxer doesn’t automatically mean a woman has self-hatred or that she’s not as good as someone who chooses not to relax her hair. It’s just that: a choice. The majority of us, myself included, did not choose to relax. The choice was made for us as children. So as an adult, when we are old enough to choose for ourselves, we either choose to continue relaxing or choose not to. It seemed to me like there was an automatic assumption that those of us who chose to go natural thought we were better than everyone else. I can’t speak for anyone, but I know with myself, that is not the case at all.
I believe that’s why many of the girls on the relaxed side felt defensive and turned offensive towards the natural side. I’m sure this is part of the reason nothing got accomplished in the entire discussion. I don’t feel any animosity towards the girls who sat on the relaxed side of the room. However, I do feel attacked and ambushed by the girls who planned the program. They’ve already made their views on us wearing our hair natural known informally, and I felt like this was their way of publically making fun of us just as they had done privately. One girl, who has been natural her entire life and has what the majority of the room considered “good hair,” compared announcing how long we’ve been natural to an addict telling how long they’ve been sober (and I felt like this was directly towards me because I tweet “____ months natural” faithfully on the 23rd of every month). I felt there was a lot of disrespect, misunderstanding and miscommunication involved, and it has changed the way I look at a few people because I now know how they look at me, simply for the way I wear my hair.
Have you ever been to a “natural vs. relaxed” debate or discussion? Did you feel anything positive was accomplished? Have you ever felt attacked or stereotyped because of the way you choose to wear your hair? Do you think I’m being too sensitive and shouldn’t be offended by some of the comments or remarks that were made?
Thanks again to Onyxx Rose for the opportunity to express what I was feeling. Please check out her blog at OnyxRoseOnline.blogspot.com
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Religion Rant
Yesterday, I was bored in class, so I decided to log onto twitter on my phone. I happened to get online in the middle of some big, fat, atheism rant that a couple of my followers were engaging in.
I believe in people having the right to practice whatever religion they choose or not to practice one at all. I grew up in the COGIC (Church of God in Christ) church and though I'm not saved, I'm definitely a believer. However, my logic when dealing with people of other faiths is "Don't try to convert me & I won't try to convert you." Period.
Don't get me wrong. I am all for having a conversation about religion, but there's a difference between talking about it civilly and being downright disrespectful. The majority of the time, these conversations get to the point of disrespect. It's one thing to reject certain viewpoints and ideas and it's another thing to insult someone for what they believe in.
I'll never understand why people who claim to be atheists spend so much time and energy researching and trying to convince other people to change their views. I've had classes where there were students who literally tried to convince the entire class why God isn't real. And the majority of the time, it had nothing to do with the overall point of the class period.
Another thing I don't get: If you don't believe in God, why do you spend so much time talking about and researching reasons behind why God is not real? If you've already established that with yourself, why spend the majority of your time talking about something you don't believe in? You will never see me on google finding information on unicorns, vampires and black privilege. Why? Because they don't exist. It would be a waste of my time, so I leave it alone.
I'm not saying that people shouldn't have conversations on religion, because I feel like understanding and respecting each other's faiths are an important part of accepting them and each other. My point is, respect is very important in having a conversation like this. The sooner a lot of us realize that, the better.
#Nowplaying Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
I believe in people having the right to practice whatever religion they choose or not to practice one at all. I grew up in the COGIC (Church of God in Christ) church and though I'm not saved, I'm definitely a believer. However, my logic when dealing with people of other faiths is "Don't try to convert me & I won't try to convert you." Period.
Don't get me wrong. I am all for having a conversation about religion, but there's a difference between talking about it civilly and being downright disrespectful. The majority of the time, these conversations get to the point of disrespect. It's one thing to reject certain viewpoints and ideas and it's another thing to insult someone for what they believe in.
I'll never understand why people who claim to be atheists spend so much time and energy researching and trying to convince other people to change their views. I've had classes where there were students who literally tried to convince the entire class why God isn't real. And the majority of the time, it had nothing to do with the overall point of the class period.
Another thing I don't get: If you don't believe in God, why do you spend so much time talking about and researching reasons behind why God is not real? If you've already established that with yourself, why spend the majority of your time talking about something you don't believe in? You will never see me on google finding information on unicorns, vampires and black privilege. Why? Because they don't exist. It would be a waste of my time, so I leave it alone.
I'm not saying that people shouldn't have conversations on religion, because I feel like understanding and respecting each other's faiths are an important part of accepting them and each other. My point is, respect is very important in having a conversation like this. The sooner a lot of us realize that, the better.
#Nowplaying Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
#FAIL
So, I haven't posted in like a week. That's because I'm currently failing epically at this "changing my style" thing. I've been wearing nothing but skinny jeans and hoodies. Partially because the weather has been acting like that phony friend you keep around for no good reason. It was 70 degrees last Monday and by Wednesday, it was snowing again. My concern has been more with staying warm and dry than trying to be cute.
However, I have made a little progress that last couple times I've gone shopping. Instead of buying sneakers, I bought heels! I've bought three pairs of pumps in the last three weeks. Where or what I'm gonna wear them with is another post for another day.
The first two pairs are Madden Girl and the last pair is Steve Madden (whatever the damn difference is). I got them all at TJ Maxx/Ross for Less for $20 each. Good deal if you ask me :)
#nowplaying Algebra Blessett - At This Time
However, I have made a little progress that last couple times I've gone shopping. Instead of buying sneakers, I bought heels! I've bought three pairs of pumps in the last three weeks. Where or what I'm gonna wear them with is another post for another day.
The first two pairs are Madden Girl and the last pair is Steve Madden (whatever the damn difference is). I got them all at TJ Maxx/Ross for Less for $20 each. Good deal if you ask me :)
#nowplaying Algebra Blessett - At This Time
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