I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

Everyone wants to be beautiful.

This is a fact of life. In 2011, we have so much access to media via television, internet and magazines and we spend so much time deciding what looks good and what doesn't, what's in style and what isn't, what's acceptable and what is not. Things that everyone was wearing yesterday are being traded in for something new. It's almost impossible to keep up.

The media doesnt just shape how we dress and how we style our hair. It has a lot to do with what we believe is beautiful, both in ourselves and in other people. Roscoe Dash had black men wearing mohawks, Cassie had young girls shaving one side of their heads, Kim Kardashian had 100 pound white girls doing squats and trying to make their asses bigger. As human beings, we all just have an overwhelming desire to be accepted and even envied by other human beings. Human beings who are flawed just like we are.

We try so hard to gain validation from other people, a lot of us end up being unhappy with ourselves. We don't know who we are or what we like because we are trying to perpetuate the image of ourselves that we want others to see.

I'm guilty of this every single day. I make so many decisions based on what other people think. I'm trying this new thing where I do what makes me happy. Whether or not I feel beautiful shouldn't have anything to do with who tells me I'm beautiful or who pays attention to me. It's a struggle, because I'm still trying to build my self confidence. I like to come off as a person who has it all together, but the truth is, I'm very insecure. Ive come a long way from when I was a teenager. I'm a young lady coming into my own, but accepting that we all have things that we are insecure about is the first step in embracing what makes us beautiful.

-Niss

#nowplaying Teedra Moses - The One

Back On My Bullsh*t: Planning My Life, Cuffin' Season & Other Random Mumbo Jumbo

Heyyyy! I'm back! Did ya miss me? Of course you did.

I've neglected this blog a little bit thanks to twitter and tumblr, but I'm going to go back to voicing my opinions on here. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but it's a form of release for me and a way to document my college years so that I can look back on them later on.

So, what's been going on with me? Not much. Since my last blog post, I've moved out of my mother's house into my first apartment with my friend Jazz. I really like living on my own, but I don't like paying bills (LOL). I feel a lot more grown up now that I'm no longer living in a dorm room. I have unlimited access to a stove that I don't have to share with 200 other people, so I'm teaching myself how to cook by trial and error and I'm just enjoying learning how to take care of myself.

I turned 21 on September 26th. *throws confetti* It's great. I feels like a whole new aspect of my social life has opened up. I'm able to go out to the bar with friends (whether or not I decide to drink) and I now have access to Pittsburgh's South Side neighborhood after hours. The South Side is a hell of an experience. I've only been there twice so far, but I have stories from both nights that I'll probably remember for years.

I'm coming to the end of my seventh college semester, and I've FINALLY made a decision on what I'm going to do with this history degree. I'm going to continue on to get my Master's and Doctorate in some concentration of history (probably US History and also the history of Africans and those living in the Diaspora) and teach history at the post-secondary level. In ten years, I plan to be that professor with locs, a nose ring and randomly shows up to class in either a dashiki or a kufi. Can you picture it? I know I can.

It's late November. Apparently, this means it's "cuffin' season." I personally think it's really stupid to start a relationship with someone in the colder months and then decide you want to "do you" as soon as the groundhog sees its shadow. I don't plan on getting into a relationship with anyone unless there are truly feelings involved. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a cuddle buddy so I don't have to turn the heat on in my apartment (because like I said, I pay bills now). I don't have my eyes on anyone in particular, so it may not even happen. But who knows. *Kanye Shrug*

Anyway, I'll be back on this regularly. Hopefully #youcare.