To Cuff or Not to Cuff?

It's cuffin season. Everybody just feels the need to keep reminding me. It's about that time to turn up the heat and cuddle up under a warm blanket with a significant other. Why does cold weather make us want to settle down with another person? Is it because the body heat of another person feels good in comparison of the subzero temperatures of outside or is it something about being near another person that just puts a person in a good mood?

Who the hell knows? I sure don't. But come summer time, many people are ready to be free and have their fun. There's something about warm weather that just makes you want to be ratchet, I guess.

But what happens when that person you shared the covers with during those long snowy nights becomes more than just a cuddle buddy? Many of us don't enter into these relationships (and I use that term loosely) with any intentions of continuing said relationship after the groundhog sees his shadow. But sometimes life has other plans for us. Cuddle buddies don't only share a bed for the night. They share time, conversations, laughs, tears, jokes, stories and sometimes secrets, hopes, dreams and fears. These mixed with the physical aspects that are sure to be involved (whether it be kissing, sex or something in between) can lead to feelings from one or both parties that weren't expected or may not even be wanted.

I'm in my fourth year in college and I've never had a legitimately cuddle buddy. I've shared that extra long twin mattress a few times, but there were always feelings involved in one way or another. Now that December is here and I'm moved into my own off campus apartment, I've been thinking about having someone around for companionship and to keep the heating bill as low as possible. I'm not dating or talking to anyone right now and that's the way I like it. But taking all of this into consideration, I don't want to put myself or anyone else in a position where the summer rolls around and we aren't sure where we stand. Maybe I'll take the chance, maybe I'll add another blanket to my bed brave the Pennsylvania winter on my own. Who knows?

Happy cuddling :)

-Niss.
The Trophy on the Shelf (Even If No One Stops and Stares)

#nowplaying Wale featuring Miguel - Lotus Flower Bomb

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

Everyone wants to be beautiful.

This is a fact of life. In 2011, we have so much access to media via television, internet and magazines and we spend so much time deciding what looks good and what doesn't, what's in style and what isn't, what's acceptable and what is not. Things that everyone was wearing yesterday are being traded in for something new. It's almost impossible to keep up.

The media doesnt just shape how we dress and how we style our hair. It has a lot to do with what we believe is beautiful, both in ourselves and in other people. Roscoe Dash had black men wearing mohawks, Cassie had young girls shaving one side of their heads, Kim Kardashian had 100 pound white girls doing squats and trying to make their asses bigger. As human beings, we all just have an overwhelming desire to be accepted and even envied by other human beings. Human beings who are flawed just like we are.

We try so hard to gain validation from other people, a lot of us end up being unhappy with ourselves. We don't know who we are or what we like because we are trying to perpetuate the image of ourselves that we want others to see.

I'm guilty of this every single day. I make so many decisions based on what other people think. I'm trying this new thing where I do what makes me happy. Whether or not I feel beautiful shouldn't have anything to do with who tells me I'm beautiful or who pays attention to me. It's a struggle, because I'm still trying to build my self confidence. I like to come off as a person who has it all together, but the truth is, I'm very insecure. Ive come a long way from when I was a teenager. I'm a young lady coming into my own, but accepting that we all have things that we are insecure about is the first step in embracing what makes us beautiful.

-Niss

#nowplaying Teedra Moses - The One

Back On My Bullsh*t: Planning My Life, Cuffin' Season & Other Random Mumbo Jumbo

Heyyyy! I'm back! Did ya miss me? Of course you did.

I've neglected this blog a little bit thanks to twitter and tumblr, but I'm going to go back to voicing my opinions on here. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but it's a form of release for me and a way to document my college years so that I can look back on them later on.

So, what's been going on with me? Not much. Since my last blog post, I've moved out of my mother's house into my first apartment with my friend Jazz. I really like living on my own, but I don't like paying bills (LOL). I feel a lot more grown up now that I'm no longer living in a dorm room. I have unlimited access to a stove that I don't have to share with 200 other people, so I'm teaching myself how to cook by trial and error and I'm just enjoying learning how to take care of myself.

I turned 21 on September 26th. *throws confetti* It's great. I feels like a whole new aspect of my social life has opened up. I'm able to go out to the bar with friends (whether or not I decide to drink) and I now have access to Pittsburgh's South Side neighborhood after hours. The South Side is a hell of an experience. I've only been there twice so far, but I have stories from both nights that I'll probably remember for years.

I'm coming to the end of my seventh college semester, and I've FINALLY made a decision on what I'm going to do with this history degree. I'm going to continue on to get my Master's and Doctorate in some concentration of history (probably US History and also the history of Africans and those living in the Diaspora) and teach history at the post-secondary level. In ten years, I plan to be that professor with locs, a nose ring and randomly shows up to class in either a dashiki or a kufi. Can you picture it? I know I can.

It's late November. Apparently, this means it's "cuffin' season." I personally think it's really stupid to start a relationship with someone in the colder months and then decide you want to "do you" as soon as the groundhog sees its shadow. I don't plan on getting into a relationship with anyone unless there are truly feelings involved. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a cuddle buddy so I don't have to turn the heat on in my apartment (because like I said, I pay bills now). I don't have my eyes on anyone in particular, so it may not even happen. But who knows. *Kanye Shrug*

Anyway, I'll be back on this regularly. Hopefully #youcare.

Birth Certificates and the Death of bin Laden: My Two Cents

Disclaimer: This is my opinion. I appreciate feedback and having a discussion, even with those who disagree with me, but I do NOT appreciate attacking anyone for their opinions.

The other day when I found out that President Obama released a copy of his long form birth certificate, my first thought was "What the entire f*ck?!" The fact that the President of the United States felt the need to prove to a bunch of racist scumbags that he was born in Hawaii is unsettling to me.

First of all, with all the checks and balances in this country, anyone who believes he could have gotten past all of them during the primary, campaign, the general election and two years and almost two and a half years of his presidency without him being found out is an idiot. If Obama was really born in Kenya, Hilary Clinton would have come to the first debate, dropped the evidence on the ground and crip walked onto the 2008 ballot.

Secondly, Donald Trump taking credit for "forcing" the POTUS to release the birth certificate makes me want to throw up all over my keyboard. Donald, you are a joke. Nobody believes you will make it onto the ballot. If the leaders of the GOP are smart at all, they will not endorse you. And then, this guy says he wants to see the birth certificate himself...I wanted to throw chairs, flip tables and kick people in their shins. Donald, "who the hell are you?" Who died and made you the authority on whether or not something is legit? Nobody trusts your judgment. You thought that piece of roadkill on your head was a good look. You're living proof that money can't buy class.

I'm gonna go ahead and "play the race card." This whole birth certificate nonsense is racism. The birthers want to do anything to discredit Barack Obama's presidency because he's a black man. Back in the 1800s, we were property and 3/5ths of a person. Blacks were not supposed to succeed to the presidency. In 2008, we turned the game on its side, and now they want to rectify the situation. And also, Barack Obama's educational past is being called into question. There's no doubt the man is brilliant, but yet, there are people out there who believe he was not worthy of getting into Columbia or Harvard, so now they want him to release his transcripts. People never cease to amaze me.

Osama bin Laden's Death
Last night, I was studying for finals with Tweet Deck up in the background. All of I sudden, my timeline started moving ridiculously fast and I stopped it to see what was going on. Everyone was saying that Osama bin Laden had been killed, and my heart started beating a mile a minute. I turned on CNN, and sure enough, he had been killed and the nation was awaiting a speech from the president.

My first feeling was relief. Bin Laden was the figurehead of Al-Qaeda, the group who masterminded and carried out 9/11. I was ten years old when it happened and in my sixth grade English class when I heard about it. Those of us who were old enough to know what was going on will never forget where we were when we heard the news. The same way older people will never forget where they were when JFK was assassinated or when Dr. King was assassinated. 9/11 was a defining moment of our generation.

After the initial relief, I felt excited. Then immediately, I felt guilty. Despite the terrible tragedy that occurred on September 11, 2001, how could I call myself a Christian, or even a decent person as I sit here and celebrate the death of another human being? I'm very conflicted over this. Also, I'm a little afraid. The death of Osama bin Laden does not mean the end of Al-Qaeda. The only thing I can do is pray there will be no retaliation.

My address to the twitter "conscious" and "radicals" about your questions after the death was announced:

No, gas prices are not about to drop. Bin Laden does not own all the oil, if he owned any.

No, the troops are not coming home, like tomorrow. First of all, you can't just withdraw troops all at once. Secondly, we've made so many enemies in this so-called "War on Terror," that bin Laden wasnt even the central point. Former President Bush made that clear to us years ago.

That's my opinion. Comment. Or not. Whatevs.

Poem: Late Night Creep

No strings attached
Was What I told myself
When I made my way to your room that night
A hoodie and leggings and out the back door
Just trying to stay out of sight
Just a few hours later
I held my head high
And all those feelings dissolved
A smile on my face
Because when I made the walk back
There was no shame involved
My heart never meant for commitment
When the dark cut you off from my sight
But my head on your chest
Felt like a puzzle piece
Finding the one spot it fit into just right
Now a piece of the picture is missing
And Im wishing that you were just here
The silence echoes off the dorm room walls
Without your heart beating in my ear
My head says "no strings attached"
But my heart quickly dismissed that demand
Who ever thought I'd catch feelings
From a cuddle buddy one night stand?

-Niss: The Trophy On the Shelf (Even If No One Stops & Stares)

Style Update

So, this whole "changing my style" thing has taken a back burner to the weather. One day it's snowing, the next day it's 75 degrees and raining...my focus has been more on keeping warm and not getting sick than trying to be cute.

Saturday night, I went to a party thrown by the LGBTQIA group at my university(which I'm a part of). It was a "prom" that we throw every year for people who may not have been able to take their same sex partner to their high school prom because of school policies. Everybody was invited from gay couples to straight couples. I went with a group of friends.

This is the outfit I wore. It was way different than when I usually do, but I really liked it.

dress: Forever 21 ($7 on ebay), shoes: Steve Madden ($20 from Ross for Less) Blazer: H&M ($15), necklace and earrings: Forever 21

My Guest Post on Onyxx Rose

Natural Hair Hostility on College Campuses

There has been a growing number of women transitioning from relaxed to natural hair over the past year or so on my college campus. The university is located in southwestern Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. Seeing young women rocking their natural hair texture isn’t something normal around here, so obviously when a handful of us started doing it all at once, people took notice.

I’ve personally noticed some of the negative attitudes towards “going natural.”Almost all of it came from other black women. We’ve been told via Twitter that our afros are unacceptable, that they’re unattractive, and that it’s a white man’s world and we need to just conform. I’ve unfollowed these girls on Twitter, limited my real life contact with them, and haven’t heard any negativity from them in a few months.

Tuesday afternoon, I get an invite to a Facebook event from the campus organization run by a few of the girls. The event was entitled “Relaxed vs. Natural.” Even though I don’t usually attend any of this organization’s programs, I decided to attend this one. I went into this event with my guard up, because I knew there were ulterior motives. These girls were not interested in learning anything about having, maintaining or the thought process behind having natural hair. When I got there, the room was split. Natural on one side and relaxed on the other. There were about 8 of us on the natural side and 20-25 on the relaxed side plus three of the four girls running the program had relaxed hair. By the end of the program, the vast majority of us on the natural side were frustrated and annoyed. We got nothing accomplished as far as each side understanding the other. However, I did learn a few things:

1. People have differing opinions of what it means to have “natural” hair.
The common consensus between the women on the natural side was that natural hair is hair that has not been processed with a relaxer or texturizer. The women on the relaxed side had more strict requirements for what they considered natural. To them, natural means you wear your hair just as it grows out of your scalp at all times. If you color your hair, you’re not natural. If you flat iron or hot comb your hair, you’re not natural. If you wear a weave or a wig, you’re not natural. Those criteria alone were enough to remove every single one of us from being considered natural.

2. A lot of people want the title without the work.
Many times throughout the discussion, someone on the relaxed side of the room would say “Well, technically, I’m natural because I haven’t had a perm in 4 months,” or “Well, I’m natural in the middle because I only get the outside of my hair relaxed because I wear weaves.” I explained the difference between transitioning and chopping off your relaxed ends and becoming totally natural, but many people were convinced that they should be considered natural as well. Also, when the relaxed side was asked if they have ever tried to go natural or if they would, many said that when they went too long without getting a perm, they had problems combing their hair. When a girl on the natural side tried to explain that the reason they couldn’t manage their hair was because of the way they took care of it, they quickly moved along to another subject.

3. People are still afraid of the "n-word."
The word “nappy” was thrown around quite a few times. Each time, you could hear the tone of the girl’s voice change when the words left her lips. She almost spat the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. Nobody wanted to go natural because nobody wanted to have nappy hair. I pointed out the negative connotation of the word and asked if anyone on the relaxed side would go natural if they knew they wouldn’t have nappy hair. Once again, the question was brushed off and evaded. When people continued to make reference to the natural girls in the room with more wavy or curly hair rather than kinky hair, they said “good” or “nice” hair. I knew I had my answer, even though I didn’t get one straight up (no pun intended).

4. A lot of people see women with natural hair as “stuck-up” or “elitist.”
I admit that there are natural women who look down upon women who relax their hair and I think that it needs to stop. A relaxer doesn’t automatically mean a woman has self-hatred or that she’s not as good as someone who chooses not to relax her hair. It’s just that: a choice. The majority of us, myself included, did not choose to relax. The choice was made for us as children. So as an adult, when we are old enough to choose for ourselves, we either choose to continue relaxing or choose not to. It seemed to me like there was an automatic assumption that those of us who chose to go natural thought we were better than everyone else. I can’t speak for anyone, but I know with myself, that is not the case at all.

I believe that’s why many of the girls on the relaxed side felt defensive and turned offensive towards the natural side. I’m sure this is part of the reason nothing got accomplished in the entire discussion. I don’t feel any animosity towards the girls who sat on the relaxed side of the room. However, I do feel attacked and ambushed by the girls who planned the program. They’ve already made their views on us wearing our hair natural known informally, and I felt like this was their way of publically making fun of us just as they had done privately. One girl, who has been natural her entire life and has what the majority of the room considered “good hair,” compared announcing how long we’ve been natural to an addict telling how long they’ve been sober (and I felt like this was directly towards me because I tweet “____ months natural” faithfully on the 23rd of every month). I felt there was a lot of disrespect, misunderstanding and miscommunication involved, and it has changed the way I look at a few people because I now know how they look at me, simply for the way I wear my hair.

Have you ever been to a “natural vs. relaxed” debate or discussion? Did you feel anything positive was accomplished? Have you ever felt attacked or stereotyped because of the way you choose to wear your hair? Do you think I’m being too sensitive and shouldn’t be offended by some of the comments or remarks that were made?

Thanks again to Onyxx Rose for the opportunity to express what I was feeling. Please check out her blog at OnyxRoseOnline.blogspot.com

Religion Rant

Yesterday, I was bored in class, so I decided to log onto twitter on my phone. I happened to get online in the middle of some big, fat, atheism rant that a couple of my followers were engaging in.

I believe in people having the right to practice whatever religion they choose or not to practice one at all. I grew up in the COGIC (Church of God in Christ) church and though I'm not saved, I'm definitely a believer. However, my logic when dealing with people of other faiths is "Don't try to convert me & I won't try to convert you." Period.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for having a conversation about religion, but there's a difference between talking about it civilly and being downright disrespectful. The majority of the time, these conversations get to the point of disrespect. It's one thing to reject certain viewpoints and ideas and it's another thing to insult someone for what they believe in.

I'll never understand why people who claim to be atheists spend so much time and energy researching and trying to convince other people to change their views. I've had classes where there were students who literally tried to convince the entire class why God isn't real. And the majority of the time, it had nothing to do with the overall point of the class period.

Another thing I don't get: If you don't believe in God, why do you spend so much time talking about and researching reasons behind why God is not real? If you've already established that with yourself, why spend the majority of your time talking about something you don't believe in? You will never see me on google finding information on unicorns, vampires and black privilege. Why? Because they don't exist. It would be a waste of my time, so I leave it alone.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't have conversations on religion, because I feel like understanding and respecting each other's faiths are an important part of accepting them and each other. My point is, respect is very important in having a conversation like this. The sooner a lot of us realize that, the better.

#Nowplaying Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

#FAIL

So, I haven't posted in like a week. That's because I'm currently failing epically at this "changing my style" thing. I've been wearing nothing but skinny jeans and hoodies. Partially because the weather has been acting like that phony friend you keep around for no good reason. It was 70 degrees last Monday and by Wednesday, it was snowing again. My concern has been more with staying warm and dry than trying to be cute.

However, I have made a little progress that last couple times I've gone shopping. Instead of buying sneakers, I bought heels! I've bought three pairs of pumps in the last three weeks. Where or what I'm gonna wear them with is another post for another day.

The first two pairs are Madden Girl and the last pair is Steve Madden (whatever the damn difference is). I got them all at TJ Maxx/Ross for Less for $20 each. Good deal if you ask me :)

#nowplaying Algebra Blessett - At This Time

Time for a Change

So, I said I wanted to change my style, but if you dont know me in real life, you dont know what that is.

I'd describe my style in one word as: safe.

I don't take chances. I don't go out on a limb and try something that I think would work for me. I change clothes 2 or 3 times in the morning all to end up looking like this (I know the mirror is dirty. Don't judge lol):

(Shirt: PacSun, Cardigan: Target, Jeans: Rue21, Shoes: Converse, Earrings: Forever21)



Regular.

My issue is, I care too much about what other people think. I don't want anyone to whisper "She's doing the most." "What is she wearing heels for? It's just class." "She thinks she cute." I get to the point where I'll have what I believe is a really cute outfit in my head before I go to bed. I'll wake up, iron it, get dressed, look in the mirror and realize "this isn't what I usually do," get extremely uncomfortable and change clothes.

No more. I've made the decision to stop allowing what people may or may not have to say behind my back affect me both in important matters and something as trivial as what I'm wearing.

Guess who's baaaack!!!

Hey everyone! Long time, no see…umm. I mean, blog. Whatever.

So, I’ve pretty much abandoned this blog for tumblr. But I’m back! Things are going to be a little different. It will be less me ranting on random topics, more me trying to figure out my life after college, talking about things going on in the world and on the internet, and trying to revamp my style.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. And subscribe :)

#nowplaying P!nk - F*ckin' Perfect